I’m going for a run.
It’s going to be long one.
What a cold, shitty day!
I’m a little scared.
Uh-uh! People!
A family of four, walking side-by-side.
Blocking the entire pavement.
I can’t run through them.
I shouldn’t really push them over.
Oh no!
I’ve got to go around them!
Running into the road towards oncoming traffic, while muttering ‘For fuck’s sake’ under my breath!
Beep beep!
Beep beep!
Beep beep!
I’m going for a run.
It’s going to be long one.
What a cold, shitty day!
I’m now even more scared.
Uh-uh! A tree branch!
Hanging low across the path at nipple-height.
I can’t go around it.
I can’t jump over it.
Oh no!
I’ve got to run under it, hurting my back and hitting my head!
Ow! Bugger!
Ow! Bugger!
Ow! Bugger!
I’m going for a run.
It’s going to be long one.
What a cold, shitty day!
I have a headache now.
Uh-uh! A massive hole in the pavement!
Left by the stupid workmen building that new estate.
I can’t go around it.
I don’t want to fall down it.
Oh no!
I’ve got to jump over it!
Leap! My knees!
Leap! My knees!
Leap! My knees!
I’m going for a run.
It’s going to be long one.
What a cold, shitty day!
My knees feel like porridge.
Uh-uh! Horse manure!
All over the path.
I best not jump again.
I don’t want to stand in it.
Oh no!
I’ve got to hopscotch my way through it!
Tiptoe! Tiptoe!
Tiptoe! Tiptoe!
Tiptoe! Tiptoe!
I’m going for a run.
It’s going to be long one.
What a cold, shitty day!
I hope I don’t smell of horse poo.
Uh-uh! A pack of teenagers!
All spotty and wearing dark clothes.
I bet they have weapons.
I can’t cross the road or turn back now.
Oh no!
I’ve got to go past them!
Wait, are they moving to one side for me? That’s awfully kind of them. See, teenagers aren’t all bad.
Thank you! Cheers!
Thank you! Cheers!
Thank you! Cheers!
What’s that?
IT’S FREEZING RAIN!
Quick! Back past the teenagers. Thank you! Cheers! Thank you! Cheers! Thank you! Cheers!
Back through the horse shit. Tiptoe! Tiptoe! Tiptoe!
Back over the massive hole. Leap! My knees! Leap! My knees! Leap! My knees!
Back under the low branch. Ow! Bugger! Ow! Bugger! Ow! Bugger!
Back into the road around that stupid family. Beep beep! Beep beep! Beep beep!
Get to my front door.
Open the door.
Get a glass of water.
Head downstairs to the shower.
Oh no!
I forgot my towel.
Back upstairs.
Grab my towel.
Back downstairs.
Into the bathroom.
Into the shower.
Under the hot water.
I am not going on a long run again.
Thanks for reading x
Confessions of a Middle-Raged Dad 